


Wishing On Fallen Stars

by Remus_la_swearwolf



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marauders - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Azkaban, Comfort, Dancing, Depressed Remus Lupin, Depressed Sirius Black, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Forest, Full Moon, Harry Potter - Freeform, James Potter - Freeform, Lie Low At Lupin's (Harry Potter), M/M, MWPP, Marauders, Marauders era, Moony Wormtail Padfoot Prongs, Music, PTSD, Peter Pettigrew - Freeform, Post Azkaban wolfstar, Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban, Snuffles - Freeform, Suicidal Sirius Black, Werewolf, post azkaban, records, remus lupin - Freeform, sirius black - Freeform, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-26 20:33:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20395744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remus_la_swearwolf/pseuds/Remus_la_swearwolf
Summary: Remus exhaled audibly. He dragged his gaze up from the floor to look into Sirius' eyes. They weren't the flat, slate grey they'd been when Sirius had first turned up on his doorstep, bedraggled and lost, but they were still like a house with closed shutters. 'I was wishing on fallen stars, waiting for you,' he breathed.The edge of Sirius' mouth pulled up into a twisted sort of smirk. They both danced on automatically, not really thinking about how they moved, as the candles flickered again, and the rain pattered on the windows. 'Well, you've got your fallen star now. Although I'd say he's rather broken.''Be that he may, but he's still beautiful, and he's my star.'





	Wishing On Fallen Stars

Remus smiled at Sirius as they swayed to an unknown record in his little sitting room. It was dark and cold outside, and the wind howled and begged to be let in, but in this corner of the world, it was warm, and cozy, and safe, and it was here that Sirius truly felt at home for the first time in twelve years.

The candlelight flickered over the contours of Remus' face, and although the years had aged him, and the tough transformations had taken their toll on him, Sirius thought he was still beautiful. 

His hair was still the same tawny colour, even if it was threaded through with flecks of silver, and his green eyes hadn't quite lost their old spark, although it was dimmed by all the misery and broken promises, and betrayals. But that was something Sirius would fix. His Moony would get his spark back, if it was the last thing Sirius ever did.

He didn't even want to think about what Azkaban had done to him. A far cry from the cocky, arrogant, handsome man of his youth, he was now a broken and humbled shell of what he had once been. The years hadn't been good to him. He was a gaunt, haggard figure, whose face was lined and ragged and faded out, and whose eyes were empty and sunken and hollow.

The Dementors had taken all he was, and now all he had were tainted memories and regrets and what ifs. And Remus had lost himself the night that his friends had died and the others betrayed him, and left him alone to stew in self-blame and anguish, hating Sirius and hating himself even more for still loving him all these years, after everything he'd done.

All they had left of the broken pieces of their lives was each other, and they clung onto each other like a life-line as they moved in step with the music, as best as Remus' damaged leg could manage.

Occasionally, their eyes would pass over each other, green meeting stormy grey, and they'd tear their gaze away from each other as quickly as possible, both afraid of what they'd see in the other if they kept looking for too long.

'I never stopped loving you, you know,' said Remus abruptly, shattering the comfortable yet potent silence.

Sirius tore his gaze from the wall behind Remus, to look him in the eye for the first time. 'I know,' he murmured. 'And you were all that kept me sane in Azkaban.' 

It was true. Remus wasn't exactly a happy thought -- the Dementors hadn't been able to take him away. Just like his innocence, the only thing he could call his own, he'd kept Remus alive in his memory. Remus, blaming himself for what had happened, hating himself, going through the transformation by himself, believing everyone who cared for him was dead and hating Sirius for something he hadn't done, something that Peter, that rat, had done, except maybe Sirius was to blame, because he'd whispered those poison lies into James' ears all those years ago, and told him not to trust Remus, letting him take the fall for Peter's mistakes, when Remus was really the only one he could actually trust, and then James had died and the world had gone dark.

Remus didn't say anything, but his eyes darkened at the mention of that place, and his grip tightened almost painfully on Sirius' hand. 

The record played on, and they continued dancing. Sirius laughed quietly. 'Do you remember when we danced to this on top of the Astronomy Tower, Seventh Year?' he asked. 'We danced for hours and hours, until the sky was pitch black, and the moon had gone from the sky.'

Remus shuddered. 'I've always hated the moon.'

'I didn't. It was beautiful that night. We stayed there until James came looking for us,' said Sirius. 'He thought we'd gone missing or something. God, times were simpler back then. I miss him so much sometimes, Remus,' Sirius said, his eyes full of anguish, and his voice raw with emotion. 

Remus kept his eyes trained on the floor carefully. 'Me too.' His words were carefully guarded, not belying any emotions hidden under the surface.

A long pause followed.

'Do you think he'll ever forgive me?' Sirius asked painfully.

Remus let out a long sigh. 'Sirius, you weren't to blame. None of us were. I don't think any of us ever suspected Peter. And you know James. He'd always forgive you, no matter what.'

'We never did suspect Peter, did we?' said Sirius heavily. 'I told James it was you. I thought it was you, all along.'

Remus swallowed, but didn't stop moving. He would be lying if he said the words didn't cut into him like knives, just as sharp as they'd ever been. 'Sirius, we've been over this.'

'I know, I know. But I'm sorry.' Sirius still couldn't meet his eye as he said it.

'Don't be,' said Remus, although it still hurt. He remembered those years, the slow and silent, but deadly rift that had opened between him and Sirius. The awkward and forced small talk and jokes and laughter that had eventually faded into nothing as everybody stopped caring in the end, and the ones like Remus were forgotten or left behind. The empty silences that started off short, but only grew longer, and longer, until they were never-ending and spanned the length of the horizon.

The war had been dark, and nobody had been able to trust anybody. But Remus had thought they would be the exception. The four golden boys, who would always stick together, and who would never fall apart, while the rest of the world did around them. The four boys who would always trust each other, and never doubt until the end. The four boys, the happy, hopeful, and shining four boys, the boys who would all make it out alive and see each other on the other side. And look at them now.

'I didn't think you'd be coming back.' The words were nearly whispered, and they were hard for Remus to admit.

'And yet here I am,' chuckled Sirius, but it was a dry thing, and it was mirthless. 

The music picked up pace, and so did they. 'Yeah, here you are.' Remus' eyes bored into him, and Sirius felt entirely vulnerable, like he was stripped bare, and Remus could see directly into his soul.

It never would have been like this in the old days. Sirius would have smiled, and said something to make Remus blush or laugh, but this Sirius was too tired to laugh or say anything clever, and this Remus was too jaded to laugh anymore, and his colours were too washed out to blush.

'I prayed it was all a bad dream every single day, and that you'd be there to hold me when I awoke,' Remus said, his tone not betraying a hint of emotion. His tone was low, and he spoke quickly. 'I hated you, and I hated that I loved you. And I'm still stuck in this dream, and at least you're here with me, but I don't know if you'll still be there when I wake.' 

Sirius paused, not wanting to make promises like the ones he'd made last time. Like the ones he'd broken. But Remus was looking at him, fragile hope in his eyes dancing on the edge of despair. 'Of course I will,' he answered. 'Always.'

'You can't say that,' said Remus, eyes fierce in his vulnerability. 'What if you end up leaving me again?'

Sirius set his jaw. 'I won't, Moony. I swear. I'll never let it happen. Never again.'

Remus exhaled audibly. He dragged his gaze up from the floor to look into Sirius' eyes. They weren't the flat, slate grey they'd been when Sirius had first turned up on his doorstep, bedraggled and lost, but they were still like a house with closed shutters. 'I was wishing on fallen stars, waiting for you,' he breathed.

The edge of Sirius' mouth pulled up into a twisted sort of smirk. They both danced on automatically, not really thinking about how they moved, as the candles flickered again, and the rain pattered on the windows.  
'Well, you've got your fallen star now. Although I'd say he's rather broken.' 

'Be that he may, but he's still beautiful, and he's my star.'

Those two green eyes never left his, and Remus slowly lifted a hand to tuck an errant strand of Sirius' once luxurious mane behind his ear. For the first time, Sirius didn't flinch away.

Remus' words sent a warmth through him that the crackling fire under the shabby mantle-piece never could. Sirius leaned forward, and rested his head on Remus' shoulder. The record playing now was just noise in the background, and now, they were really just dancing to each other... and for the first time in a very long time, Sirius felt like he belonged.


End file.
